


the moon glows in the sunlight

by orphan_account



Series: meet me where the world begins [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: A different Tourney at Harrenhal, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Mentions of Lyarra Stark, Ned is fostered at Casterly Rock, POV Ned Stark, Rickard isnt the greatest parent, minor Brandon Stark/Catelyn Tully, minor Rhaegar Targaryen/Ashara Dayne, southron ambitions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-29 18:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Old Lion and the Old Wolf, among others, come together to form alliances. Their children come even closer.(Or, Eddard Stark is fostered at Casterly Rock and befriends Cersei Lannister.)





	1. emerald eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of an AU where Tywin Lannister (and later the Princess of Dorne) are in on the Southron Ambitions plans - which I'm not sure is plans to take down the Targaryens and end their reign but more so to show the Targaryens that they can't throw them, their lords and wardens ect, around anymore and that they, the Targaryens, need them - like they really needed them during the War of the Ninepenny Kings! 
> 
> But like I said, this is very much an AU. Ned is fostered with Tywin Lannister when he is eight (Cersei and Jaime are five), it is Brandon who goes to the Vale and is fostered with Jon Arryn (though, he and Robert - and he and Jon - don't get on nearly as well as Ned did with both men.
> 
> I didn't think you could recreate Ned's, actually pretty beautiful, relationship with Jon, who went to war when someone threatened Ned's life, and Robert, who Ned saw as a brother, perhaps more than even Brandon and Benjen, and Robert always saw Ned as his brother before his blood ones. 
> 
> Honestly, I think Ned and Robert were brothers, if not for their blood, and the same with Jon Arryn being heir father. Basically, I didn't want to redo it like nothing had changed - and Brandon and Ned are too different and Brandon and Robert too similar for them to be friends, let alone brothers, I think.)
> 
> At the Rock, Cersei kind of took to Ned quite quickly. She'd have been five then, and she and Jaime wouldn't be so far in their...relationship. So yeah, they prolly kissed or something that's a little too much for brother and sister, but that's about it. You could call this a fix it fic, but some sadness will come - Lyanna still has to marry Robert unfortunately. And Catelyn and Ned won't get together, Cat's going to marry Brandon (and actually does this time lol). 
> 
> As for Rhaegar marrying Ashara, well. I think Aerys wanted Rhaegar to wed someone from a minor house that didn't have much land or men or money order whatever, because idk, maybe he thought that if Rhaegar wed someone from a powerful house, Rhaegar could use that house's power to usurp his father? I won't try to know a madman's mind, or whatever the quote is! House Dayne is ancient and well respected but it doesn't have much men or anything so yeah, Ashara might have been the best Aerys could do.
> 
> (He doesn't send Steffon and Cassana to Essos to search for brides or anything, so they didn't die in front of their young sons.)
> 
> (I just thought I should clear that all up!)
> 
> I forgot to mention, the title is inspired by this quote/poem;  
> I think it is beautiful how the moon glows using the sun's light  
> And the sun never seen asks for anything in return  
> by Amanda Katherine Ricketson
> 
> EDIT: I've now made it so that Gunthor Hightower was fostered in Winterfell. He would be a year younger than Benjen :)

Once Cersei had told him something her father told her; that only a Lannister can love the Rock, and when Ned had first got there he believed it to be true – he hadn’t been able to work out how to get different places, and he’d heard rumours of the ghosts which haunted the halls; he’d thought the Hall of Heroes was more strange than anything, not incredibly inspiring like Jaime claimed it was.

But after Cersei showed him the lion cages with real, live lions that lived under the bowels of the mighty castle and after she showed him the secret caves and the beautiful gardens at the top of the Rock (she showed him the Stone Garden and it’s godswood and weirdwood, which was actually not that large compared to others he had seen but Ned didn’t say so because Cersei had looked so proud to show him it) and the Lion’s Mouth and Golden Gallery, he wondered if perhaps he could love it after all.

Ned had been at the Rock since he was eight and he was going to be ten-and-seven soon. In those eight, or almost eight, years he thinks he really has grown to love the Rock, or at least feel comfortable and at home in it. He can even tell which Lannister is which now, which truly is an achievement. And he’d made friends here, even though he had feared otherwise. Jaime and Addam were the ones he went to lessons with, and were some of the first friends he made, along with many of the other boys but Cersei was the first friend he made.

At first, she had seemed quite bossy and wilful but she had been determined to become his friend, even though she was younger than him by three years, the same age as his sister. Somehow, she had managed to become Ned’s best friend and three years later it was the same. She had been the one to give him the tour of the castle, actually, and had shown him all of it's hidden rooms and secrets.

Cersei had shown him the lions which stayed underneath the Rock and they had stayed there and listened to the thundering of the waves and waters of the Sunset Sea. She had held his hand and told him to close his eyes and listen and when he let the sound of the waves wash over him it had almost felt like he was truly in the sea, it was so loud and deafening that he almost been scared, it was dark beneath the castle too.

He had asked Cersei what she thought of it and she said it makes her feel strong and powerful. Ned hadn’t known what to say to that – and that wouldn’t be the last time Cersei left him speechless.

He was with Cersei now, sitting on his bed in his chamber. Lord Tywin had put him in a room near Jaime which was large and had a small solar and washroom of its own, it was warm and had its own balcony which overlooked the sea, the cliffs and parts of the harbour. And it wasn’t nearly as red as most of the rooms at the Rock – though the parts of wall that weren’t dark stone were a pale red, the carpets too were the shade of red, with gold and white and black creating patterns on them.

(All in all, Ned liked his room and had even personalised it to some degree, but it would never be his rooms at Winterfell, which were smaller and less decorative but were his, and his aunt’s and countless other Starks before him. It was _home_ , Winterfell was home. Home in a way that the Rock, for all Ned loved it, would never and could never be.)

“What do you even want for your nameday, Ned?” Cersei asked, she was laying on his bed, her golden hair sprawled across his grey pillows. Ned wondered if it was bad to think that an thirteen year old was beautiful. But it was true, Cersei was pretty, she always had been.

He looked over at her, from where he had been looking at his book on the reign of the Old King and his Good Queen that Maester Creylen had given he, Jaime and Addam to read before their next lesson - in truth, Ned wasn't actually reading it, just skimming over it - he'd read it over later. Cersei's eyes were so green, he noticed, though not for the first time. Whenever he looked into her green eyes he always felt that his own grey eyes were bland and lacking in comparison. "I don't know, I don't need anything."

Cersei rolled her eyes, "Nameday gifts aren't for what you need but for what you _want_."

"I don't want anything," he says, setting his book down at his side and leaning against the wall.

She wouldn't leave this alone though. Cersei put her feet on his lap, as she usually did when they sat like this, on his bed, and began, well, questioning him. "New books?"

"Honestly, I'm not overly fond of reading, and besides the Rock has a large and vast library."

"A new sword?"

"Your father gave me a sword a while ago. Bael is a fine sword."

"Oh, some new clothes?"

"Mine are fine, Cersei, truly."

She moaned at that and Ned couldn't help but smile. "Gods, Ned, just tell me what you want!" 

Cersei often got like this - annoyed and stubborn - but today more so than usual. "Gods, why do you want to know so badly?"

Then she looked down at her hands and muttered something quietly, so quietly that Ned couldn't hear, which was unusual because Cersei wasn't a quiet person.

"What?" Ned asked, gently because he knew something must be wrong for Cersei to be anything but loud.

Those green eyes were on him again and Cersei sat up until her face was close to his. It was a little awkward, with Cersei's legs over his lap and he turned to face her they were even closer. Ned couldn't help but notice how fair her skin was, how incredibly green her eyes were, and as a golden curl fell into her face, he had no choice but to notice how her hair truly shone, like a beacon. Then she whispered, "I want my gift to be good, the best you'll get."

"I'd like any gift you give me," Ned admits, speaking just as quietly as Cersei. Another lock of gold falls in her face and Ned hesitantly reaches out to tuck it behind her ear. When he does, Cersei breathes in sharply. Thinking he did something wrong, perhaps he was too close, Ned began to pull away but suddenly Cersei's mouth was on his.

Their kiss is clumsy and full of teeth - Ned hadn't ever kissed a girl before, kissed anyone before and he could only guess that Cersei was just as inexperienced as he was - she was young after all. Cersei was as passionate during their kiss as she was with everything else and Ned almost struggled to keep up. Ned had long ago closed his eyes by the time they parted. When they did part though, Cersei's eyes were still closed and Ned saw how full her lips looked, how flushed her cheeks were, her hair was all over her shoulders. (Actually, she looked like her Aunt Genna when she was drinking - she looked alive.)

"Sorry," he blurted out randomly, stupidly.

Cersei opened her eyes - they were so bright - and looked at him, confusion clear on her young face. "Why?"

"Because you're too young and you need to stay a maiden and you can't not be a maiden when you wed and-"

She cut him off before he could keep on ranting. "Firstly, Ned, I'm hardly three years younger than you and clearly I know more about this than you because, secondly, kissing someone isn't the same as taking someone's maidenhead." Somehow, she didn't sound bitter or angry as she tells him this.

Ned knows that kissing isn't the same as actually breaking someone's maidenhead and Cersei knows he knows that. He doesn't say that though, instead he says, "Well, perhaps kissing can lead to one thing and then another..." he trails off and Cersei literally laughs in his face.

"Truly, you think I believe you would go against honour and duty and take my maidenhood? You wouldn't ever, Ned, I know you too well for that. And I'm not even betrothed to anyone yet, so perhaps you and I _will_ end up in this bed again, years from now, and you _shall_ take my maidenhead."

Ned was reminded of how young Cersei is then, she believes in her dreams and that her life will go the way she wants it to. Perhaps she truly does want it to happen, for us to wed. Ned isn't sure what to think, or say. Cersei though, she knows exactly what to do - or rather, she _thinks_ she knows exactly what to do.

"My father and yours, and almost all the high lords in the realm, have their ambitions. What does Uncle Gerion call them? You know - Southron Ambitions, that's them. Well, we both know our fathers and Hoster Tully and Loreza Martell and the rest of them have their plans to unite us all and mayhaps we could find a way for us to fit into it all- together."

She truly does believe it, Ned realised. Cersei looked so hopeful that it hurt Ned to tell her the more likely way of things. "True it might be that some lords have their ambitions and we almost certainly are a part of them but...not together. Cersei, you're destined to marry some high lord with a big castle, not some second son of the cold, windy North."

"When people are in love they don't care what others say. True men do what they will, Ned." Then she paused, suddenly looking a little nervous, "Is this you trying to say you don't love me, don't like me?"

Ned hesitated for a second, trying to figure out how to tell her that he did like her, and that he thinks he might love her. Cersei, however, didn't take to his hesitation well and looked away from him, tears in her bright, bright eyes. When he went to touch her hand she slapped his own away then she got up off his bed and walked out his room, not once looking behind her. Distantly, he could still feel her lips on his. Unconsciously, Ned touched his lips and wondered what he had done.

* * *

 

The next day, Ned, as always, breaks his fast with the Lannisters. Lord Tywin spoke little for the most part, occasionally asking about their lessons. Ned sat in his usual seat which is beside Cersei - which was awkward, to say the least. "Jaime, Eddard, how are your lessons?"

"Good, father," Jaime says, before he drinks from his goblet - it was golden, like everything else to do with the Lannisters.

Lord Tywin raises a brow, "And what have you been reading about?" Of course Lord Tywin knows that Jaime, and Addam sometimes, skip lessons and Ned covers for them.

Jaime's eyes dart between Ned and his father. Ned can see him gulp. "Uh, we're reading about the...first Jaehaerys and his wife...Alysanne."

"Yes, how long did he rule for?"

A light blush creeps on to Jaime's face then and Ned can almost hear him thinking of excuses, he can practically hear Jaime's heart beating. "Uh, I've forgotten, father."

As though he was expecting this, Lord Tywin nods and turns to Ned. "Eddard, how long did he rule for?"

"For fifty five years, my lord," Ned answers quickly - but not too quickly, else Lord Tywin would think he's too eager. Lord Tywin was tricky to live with, to say the least - though, much of the time he wasn't there, at least at the start, for he is Hand of the King, but now that Lord Tywin and the king's relationship was _shaky_ , the former was at the Rock much more frequently.

After he questioned them all, mainly on the Targaryen kings, they went back to their meal. Ned was finishing his porridge when someone spoke again - Jaime.

"Where's Tyrion?" Ned sees Lord Tywin's eyes go hard at the mention of his youngest child.

In truth, Ned can almost understand why Lord Tywin doesn't like Tyrion, Ned was at the Rock for two years before Lady Joanna passed and he knew that the Rock had grown colder and dimmer since the day Lady Joanna died. Lord Tywin had loved her, that was certain and him hating his youngest son was just as certain.

But while Ned could just understand it, that didn't mean he would do the same in such a situation (his mother had died of a fever she got from birthing little Benjen, from what he knew, father wasn't a monster to Benjen because of it.) He had called - in his mind - Tywin Lannister a monster, yes, because while Ned couldn't help but respect and be in awe, and some fear, of Lord Tywin, he didn't think he would ever be able to think him a decent person after the way he's treated Tyrion.

In Ned's mind, there is no excuse for abusing a child and blaming the child's existence on itself. To him, nothing could ever excuse that. Besides, Tyrion was only seven! Even so, once you looked past his unpleasant features and bothered to actually know him, you'd see how good and smart and kind he is. (He has long excelled Jaime when it came to his number and letters, but Jaime has always found those things extra difficult.)

"He won't be joining us for dinner and he shan't be joining us when he go to the capital."

Cersei turns her head sharply to look at him, a grin on her face. "We're going to King's Landing and the court?"

Lord Tywin just nodded, "Yes, Cersei, we are going to court. Your brother shall squire for Ser Barristan," Ned looked to see Jaime with both longing and happy expressions on his face, "and you and Eddard shall make some allies, and friends. Truly, though, we are going for Prince Rhaegar's wedding to Ashara Dayne. We are invited to the ceremony, Eddard, you're family shall be at  feast, ball and tourney at Harrenhal, which takes place but a week after the wedding. Your father sent this letter this morning. Do reply to him. Now, everybody up and begin packing, we leave in a few days."

A servant comes over to him and places a letter in his hand before half-running, half-tripping-over-her-skirts so she can leave Lord Tywin's company. Ned looks at the wax seal, an unbroken, grey direwolf. Letters from his father were so few these days he rejoiced whenever just one came in.

After that, a big man who Ned believed to work in the kitchens, came to Tywin, they spoke quietly and then the big man came and left another letter in his hand. It was so rare to get single letter from his father these day that getting two was unheard of. It turned out though, that the second one, with a blue seal which too was yet to be broken, was from Lyanna of all people.

Ned decided to read them in his own rooms, lest the Lannisters find out something that he, for whatever reason, wouldn't want them knowing.

* * *

After his lessons - the ones with both Maester Creylen and the master-at-arms - Ned began to pack his things. It was quite like Lord Tywin to leave them in the dark about something until as late as he could. He was sheathing his sword - _Bael_ he had named it, for the story of Stark men and women long past and because it was the last song he heard when he was up North, and Lyanna always liked the story of Bael the Bard - and was sitting it on his desk when he sees his letters lying there.

 _Blue or grey?_ He decides to open the one from his father, knowing that if it's too formal or unpleasant or anything bad Lyanna's letter would surely cheer him up.

 _Dear Eddard,_  
_We haven't seen you in some time, son, but we shall meet again at the Prince's tourney at Harrenhal. I've not seen Brandon in a long while too, as you know he's at the Eyrie with Lord Jon.I hope Lord Tywin has been treating you well, and that you've learnt much and more from him.You know little of our plans, truly, but you will be rewarded for playing your part well._

_Be wary around the king when you get to the capital, and be on the watch for good suitors._

_Lord Rickard_

Always formal, his father was, perhaps only slightly better a father than Lord Tywin. Maybe that wasn't fair, but still, Ned hadn't ever had a warm, loving father - his mother was perfect but she was gone now. It hurt to think of her. Ned had been six when she died of a fever she got from birthing Benjen, and it upset him that he could remember so little of her.

All he was completely certain about her was that she was the strongest woman in the world - he knew that she hadn't ever loved father and that he treated her awfully, but Ned wouldn't remember his mother by how many cuts and bruises she had - she used to say they'd visit the mountains one day - and perhaps never coke back. And she always told lovely stories and she smiled, even when the world seemed to want to keep putting her down.

(He'd not know how bad it was for her until now, as a child he couldn't understand it. But his mother had been stripped of her own mother and father when she was too young and her sister too soon as well, Aunt Branda was in the Stormlands somewhere, a long way from Winterfell.

Once his mother had told him how she wasn't meant to be on the ground but up in the mountains where you're at the height of the highest clouds, where the wind was sharp and the paths steep, where everything was a risk but everybody was _alive_ , not just _living_.

Ned had only just began to really understand that.)

All he had really known then was that Lyarra Stark was a strong, strong woman. _Gods_ , he'd made himself sad - that often happened when he thought of his mother. He looked down and saw Lyanna's letter and it's blue seal and decided that it would cheer him up. (He tried, and failed, not to think about the fact that Lyanna and Benjen wouldn't ever really know their mother.)

He wondered how his father found living at Winterfell now, short a wife and lacking two sons, with Ned in the West and Brandon in the East - before they left, Brandon had smile and laughed, as loud as ever, and said, "Lyanna just needs to go to Highgarden and father will have a child fostered by each Warden, eh?" 

Lyanna didn't go to Highgarden though, but stayed in Winterfell, at least for now - in some years time she shall be away in Storm's End, with her new betrothed, who was actually fostering with Brandon. And it turned out Lord Rickard had gained a son, in a way. Lord Leyton Hightower's third, of perhaps fourth, son was fostering in the North. Likely the fostering will help 'when the time comes', as his father was wont to say.

Shaking away all his thoughts, Ned opened the blue direwolf seal (Lyanna must have made it herself, Ned smiled at the thought) and takes out the letter.

 _Dearest Ned,_  
_I can't wait to see you again, life has been so boring with you in the West and Brandon on the East - Benjen and I think perhaps father will send one of us to Dorne to make up for the North and South! I heard that you'll be at the Prince's wedding ceremony but we won't be there until the tourney._

 _I wonder why it's happening at Harrenhal? Bigger space maybe? But I hope you enjoy the capital and court - is your foster father not the Lord Hand, or he used to be? Either way, the Baratheons will be there, Robert Baratheon in particular. I'm to wed him when the time comes - can you believe it!? I'll have to leave to the Stormlands! I don't_ want _to marry, as I've told father countless times but just keeps speaking about alliances._

_At least I'll be closer to you and Brandon! Benjen wants to write to you too but father isn't allowing him to (he was trying to steal some lemon cakes for us but he got caught!). But he says hello and that he cant wait to see you (he's a hugger, so be careful!). Gunthor does too, even though he's never met you! Anyhow, I can't wait to see you again, it's been so long!_

_I hope the Lannisters are treating you well and that you're not lonely. (Please try and look out for Robert and see what he's like! Brandon is fostering with him in the Vale and Brandon says he's an arse but our brother says that about everyone who meets him and besides, you're better at these things! Thank you, Ned!)_

_Love, Lyanna_

Ned held that letter close to him that night. The Lannisters were mostly good (he and Cersei had been avoiding each other though) but he longed for home and his family.

(He also prayed for Robert Baratheon to be good to Lyanna, even if they weren't to wed for years now, because Ned remembers the temper Lyanna has. He prays more for his sister though, if even Brandon says someone is an _arse,_  well...Ned will see for himself.)


	2. howling wolves

The ride to King's Landing is quick enough, they stopped at some castles but no inns - Ned suspected it was because Lannisters were too important but he'd _never_ dare say such things to Lord Tywin. Ned rode mainly with Jaime and Addam, who mainly spoke of entering the joust. Ned wondered if Jaime knew that he'd only be able to joust in the squire's tourney, if there was one.

Jaime was a squire for his Uncle Gerion now, but as his father said, he'd be squiring for Ser Barristan soon, as for Ned, he was Lord Tywin's squire but the older man didn't compete in tourneys and only fought when there was a true need for it - Lord Tywin was more of a battle commander than anything else.

Ned thought that Addam would certainly be competing in the a tourney. Addam was still a squire, and closer to Ned's age at fifteen. Addam squires for Jaime's other uncle, Ser Tygett, who was Addam's uncle through Tygett's marriage to Lady Darlessa. For being only fifteen, Addam was a brilliant knight and swordsmen, and an excellent leader - and a fan of many young ladies too, with his copper hair and dark brown eyes.

When they got to the capital, it was Prince Rhaegar who came to meet them, saying something about his father being busy - _or mad_ , Ned was sure. He'd heard the rumours of the king's sanity, or the lack of it. The prince shook Lord Tywin's hand, smiled at Cersei, said hello to Ned, Jaime and Addam and then led them into the Red Keep.

Ned had expected the capital of Westeros to be bigger, at least bigger than Winterfell. It wasn't though, save for a few high towers, it absolutely wasn't bigger than the Rock though, but still, Ned supposed it wasn't small. Prince Rhaegar was to show Lord Tywin his room - apparently they were going to speak with one another about important matters - and the Lady Ashara was showing Ned and the others.

A boy who must have been Ned's age came over too, looking for the prince.

"He's not here, I believe he is busy with Lord Tywin," Lady Ashara said, only a small hint of her Dornish accent in her voice. Ned wondered if she practised her words, trying not to sound too Dornish - Ned did the same with trying not to sound too Northern sometimes, though he'd not ever admit it. "Why do you need him?"

The boy - who was tall, almost the same height as Lady Ashara, and had dark, dark hair and stormy blue eyes - seemed to be trying not to sigh. "My father is to arrive shortly, Rhaegar said he'd speak with him. If you do see him, tell him to be ready, my lady."

"Alright, Stannis." When the boy- Stannis was gone, Ned saw Lady Ashara roll her eyes.

"Is that Robert Baratheon's brother?" Ned asked her, when he saw that the others were behind them, remembering Lyanna's letter.

"Stannis? Yes. You wouldn't know it though, they're terribly different, though I think Stannis is more likable - which says a lot about how annoying Robert is."

"Right, thank you," Ned says.

Somehow, he manages to be walking beside Cersei. She was wearing a green and gold dress and looked absolutely beautiful. _We kissed. I kissed Cersei Lannister._ Ned hadn't forgotten that night, perhaps he should. Ned looked to make sure Addam and Jaime were away from them - they were ahead of them, asking the soon-to-be crown princess about everything in the keep, by the sounds of it.

"Cersei," Ned says quietly, turning to face her. "I'm sorry..."

"For what, Eddard?" She asks coldly. She only used his proper name when she was angry or annoyed - or both.

"For that night, for saying stupid things afterwards -"

She turned to face him, eyes as green as wildfire. "For what? Tell me, what did you say, or rather, what didn't you say?"

"You asked if I loved you...I was going to tell you but then you walked away. You didn't give me a chance, Cersei."

At that she stopped walking, quite suddenly. "I didn't did I?" She says quietly, looking at her feet. Ned knew she didn't like admitting when she was wrong. "I'll give you a chance - don't speak now, it needs to be special. But remember, don't waste this one, alright? And don't somehow use it against me. A Lannister always -"

"Pays her debts, I know. This chance shan't be wasted, Cersei. When can I meet with you again?" He asked as they began walking again.

"How long shall we be here? A few days, then at the tourney for a week? Well, I'll find a time and place and then I'll tell you, alright?"

"Alright," says Ned and he has a sudden urge to kiss her there and then. He can't though, because Lady Ashara is showing him the room that he'll be staying in and soon, Cersei is gone with her.

* * *

 

His room is large, but not nearly as large as his one at the Rock. There is a small writing desk and a table with only two chairs at one side of the room, and his bedchamber and washroom are at the other side. He's got a balcony, like at the Rock, but this one leads out straight from his bedchamber whereas his one at the Rock leads from the lounge area. But really, it doesn't matter, he'll only be here for a few days, a week at most.

Some maids bring his things later on and he thanks them, but they all look so scared. Soon, there's only one left, a boy who must only be Benjen's age. Ned is looking around his bedchamber when he hears a crash from the washroom. He quickly runs through, mind in panick, only to discover it's just the boy. Somehow, he'd managed to knock over a big tub of water, which had landed on his clothes.

"Are you alright?" Ned asked him.

"Yes," he says, looking anything but alright.

"Stay here." Ned went through to the main room and got a towel. "Here, take this," he says, half giving, half throwing the towel at the boy.

"Thank you, my lord," he says, looking as though a miracle has happened. _Kindness should not be so scarce and surprising_ , Ned thought sadly as the boy left the room.

* * *

 

In the time between Ned arriving in King's Landing and the royal wedding, he'd had no free time at all. And so it wasn't until the day of Prince Rhaegar's wedding that Ned actually sees Cersei outside of formal occasions or breaking their fast. They stand together, with Jaime and Lord Tywin on Cersei's other side. "I heard the king isn't here," Cersei whispers to him.

"It's his son's wedding though," Ned says, confused.

"He's mad, everyone knows that," Cersei says matter of factly. "The queen is here though, over at the other side with the younger prince, Viserys."

Ned looked over and saw that yes, the queen and her youngest son were here. Though he'd not spoken to her personally, Ned could tell how sad Queen Rhaella was. She was only happy wih her children, it seemed. Ned couldn't imagine how awful her life was.

The Princess of Dorne was here too, apparently she'd been a friend of Queen Rhaella when they were girls (and both were said to be friends of Joanna Lannister, but there was an unspoken rule at Casterly Rock where you don't mention the name of Lord Tywin's late wife and Ned doubted Lord Tywin would be fine hearing her name just because they'd left the Rock.)

Ned turns back to Cersei, because, honestly, he finds it hard to look away from her. Her golden hair has been kept down and she wears an equally golden dress. She is so beautiful. _And too good for me_. Ned was a second son, meant for nothing but to follow his elder brother's orders.

He shook his thoughts away when he heard the Sept doors open up. It was the middle of the day and the sun was high in the sky, and so when the doors were opened, the light was blinding. Ned had to squint to see Ashara Dayne as she walked down the Sept to the prince. Lady Ashara had a white gown on and her dark hair was bound up. Ned couldn't help but notice her eyes; they were so very purple.

Her father had died years ago, Ned wasn't sure how, and so her brother, Lord Allem of Starfall, had to walk her down. When they got to the prince Lord Allem back away. As Prince Rhaegar took off the bridal cloak and put the Targaryen one onto the now Princess Ashara's shoulders, Ned looked at Cersei.

Suddenly, he had thoughts of what their wedding way would be like. Cersei was draped in grey and white and she kissed him with as much passion as she did that day at the Rock. _Gods_ , he was a fool, they'd never be wed.

(That didn't stop him from wishing he could kiss her again.)

* * *

 

There was only a small feast at King's Landing after the wedding but the main celebrations were taking place at Harrenhal. Ned and Lord Tywin's party got their quickly enough, they actually got to ride with Prince Rhaegar and his wife, mother and little brother – with no king, which Ned was secretly happy about. (The rumours go that the king is either seriously ill or mad, or, more likely, both.)

They’re already at Harrenhal but the first proper day of celebrations starts tomorrow and so Prince Rhaegar has given them free roam of the castle and it’s grounds – and Lord Tywin said he had no use of him for now. Ned decided to go see the godswood because he hadn’t seen one for too long – King’s Landing had a white tree and a garden for a godswood, that was it really – and Ned wasn’t the type who could kneel on the floor and pray and pretend it’s the same, like the gods could still hear him.

Whenever Ned was at a true godswood, a true heart tree, it felt like time went by fast. He wasn’t ever aware of time when he was in front of them – it was just he and the gods, time, and everything else, didn’t seem to exist.

Until he hears footsteps. Instinctively, Ned reaches for the dagger that he keeps in his belt – Brandon got it for him, and gave it to him secretly before they both left to the West and East, respectively.

“You needed cut me, Ned.” Cersei stood in the godswood and Ned didn’t think she could look more out of place if she tried.

“I apologise, my lady.”

Cersei snorted, not acting at all like the lady Ned had just called her. “’My lady’? You speak so formal, Ned, it’s like we don’t know each other.” She stepped closer to him as Ned stood up. “We know one another…quite well, I think.”

“Cersei…” he says, sounding almost unsure. “We haven’t had a chance to discuss that night…”

“I’m afraid I’m not here to discuss that night, Ned,” she tells him, feigning sadness as she pulls some of her hair behind her shoulder. Cersei moves closer to him and takes his hands in hers.

Ned is about to say something but suddenly they are kissing and it is so much better than the last time. Feeling confident, Ned pulls Cersei closer and she sinks into his arms. He could kiss her forever. He wanted to kiss her forever. Her hair is all over them both but Ned couldn’t care less. His gods are watching but all he can think is Cersei, Cersei, Cersei.

Then there’s a snap, like someone stood on a branch or leaf. Ned doesn’t really register it though – all he knows is Cersei’s lips, it’s like he is blind and deaf to everything but her.

“Hello, Ned!” A voice cries, sounding too happy for the awkward situation and Ned instantly knows it’s Brandon.

He and Cersei pull away from each other quickly and Ned sees not just Brandon but all his siblings and some strangers, a young boy with silver hair and golden eyes - it could only be Gunthor Hightower, his father's ward - and a girl with red hair, who must be Brandon’s betrothed, Catelyn Tully. _Wonderful_ , this is the first time he has met his future goodsister. _I shan’t ever live this down. Brandon won’t let me live this down._

“Brandon,” Ned greets, not nearly as jolly as his elder brother. This is the first time they’ve seen each other in eight years – it had been almost a decade!

Even after all these years, Ned knows what the smile on Brandon’s face means; he wants to cause some trouble. “Are you not going to introduce your friend?”

“You know who she is, Brandon,” Ned says, blood warmer than usual. Perhaps he did have the infamous wolf blood after all. He introduces Cersei though, because he won’t ever have the wolf blood the way Brandon does, the way Lyanna does, he’ll always be the _courteous_ _one_ , the _quiet one_ , and that’s fine. (Ned will always play the part he’s been given, even if he’s never been fond of games), “This is Lady Cersei of House Lannister, only daughter and eldest child of Lord Tywin.”

When he glances at Cersei, Ned sees that she has a small smile on her face. “And Lady Cersei shall be taking her leave,” she says, smiling at Ned before she turns away. Ned only realises their hands were still holding the others when she takes hers away.

Cersei leaves the godswood and Ned is met with Brandon smiling – no, grinning – _wolfishly_ , Catelyn Tully smiling in a way that screams pity and apologies; Lyanna and Benjen looking as though they’re holding back laughter, and Gunthor is doing an awful job of hiding his smirk. Brandon walks up to him, arms wide as he’s about to embrace him. Ned just shrugs him away and pushes past him then leaves the godswood. (Then, well, he might be as mad as the king is said to be, but he is sure Brandon smiles approvingly.)

* * *

 

Ned hadn’t ever been good at jousting, and so he doesn’t enter it, nor the melee. He’s still a Northerner at the end of the day and in the North, they don't do such sports (mainly hunting, not jousting). He goes to watch a few of the tourneys but mainly he spends time with Lyanna, Benjen and even Gunthor, who seemed be Benjen's greatest friend. Lyanna hardly cares apparently, for she is friends with one Jyana Cray, of Greywater Watch.

 

(He spent time with Cersei too, though that was for different reasons). After their…meeting in the godswood, his younger siblings don’t bring it up. They are kind, Ned notes, with some of Brandon and himself in them, they both have an odd humour and perhaps a fouler mouth than children their age should have but having Brandon as your brother did that to you.

Really, his siblings were wonderful and Ned felt guilty that he hardly knew them, especially Benjen who had been but four when Ned left Winterfell. It felt like he’d failed his mother in some ways. His mother had done so much for him and he couldn’t even know his siblings. He would know them now, through more than just ink and paper. He got to know Catelyn Tully too, who insisted on being called Cat and endlessly apologised for Brandon’s behaviour. Ned supposed she was a good enough woman, who would hopefully settle Brandon down a little.

A few days into the tourney, Brandon introduced him to Robert Baratheon – though he looked as though he’d rather not. Ned knew it was more for Lyanna than anything else and so Ned met with Robert in Brandon’s tent. “Ned, this is Robert Baratheon, Robert this is Ned.”

Robert Baratheon looked both very like his brother and not at all like his brother. Both he and Stannis – who Ned found out was Prince Rhaegar’s squire – had coal black hair and eyes the colour of the sea before a storm – having a room that faced to the Sunset Sea meant that Ned knew what a pre-stormy sea looked like. The two brothers also had some of the same facial features, the same nose, the same brow and so on, but Stannis looked pale and gaunt while Robert didn’t. Really, Robert seemed jolly and easy to like – _and easy to dislike_ – and had a strong leader quality about him. From what Ned had seen, he wasn’t bad with a sword either and looked strong enough.

On paper, Brandon and Robert should get on well, or rather, excellently – but life didn’t happen on paper and so Brandon and Robert didn’t get along well, at all.

“I take it you’re here to ask me questions about your sister?” Robert asks, sitting down on Brandon’s make shift bed.

“Aye, Robert, we are,” Brandon says, “Ned, you ask something.”

Ned’s head snapped down to his brother, who was sitting on some chair. Brandon said he’d ask the questions and Ned would observe. Gods, if Robert Baratheon was easy to dislike then Brandon made himself easy to hate sometimes. “Well, will you treat Lyanna well?”

“Aye,” says Robert, through a burp.

Ned screws his face up and looks away. “Alright, will you protect her?”

“Yes,” Baratheon says and looks like he couldn’t care less about any of it. Ned sighs, knowing this will be a hard afternoon.

* * *

 

Ned doesn’t compete in the final tilt but he does come to watch it. He sits beside Cersei and Jaime, the latter is attempting to commentate the whole thing, the former is rolling her eyes the whole time. When Prince Rhaegar and Ser Barristan go head to head, the crowd cheers loudly. “I hear the winner gets to crown someone the queen of love and beauty,” Cersei tells them, smiling at Ned and he understands what it means. Most might think her smile means she wishes to be crowned the queen but Ned, at least, knows that she doesn’t want it anymore.

“He won’t crown you, the prince, I mean. He was wed a _week_ ago, literally,” Jaime says, his usual easy grin on his face.

Cersei turned to look at him smiling widely, dramatically sighing, before she says, “A lady is free to dream.” To that, Jaime laughs and Ned does too.

They aren’t laughing when Ser Barristan and Prince Rhaegar rush at one another, quicker than before. No one is laughing because the whole thing is too intense. They clash and spin and it all happens so fast that when one of them fall from their horses, nobody is sure who it is, at first.

“I think the prince has won,” Cersei whispers, sounding nervous and excited at once.

Just to contradict her, Jaime says, just as quietly, “I bet it’s Ser Barristan.”

Jaime is wrong though. Everyone watches as the man still on his horse helps the fallen one to his feet and from the armour and cloak it’s evident that it was Ser Barristan who lost the tilt. The cheers don’t come for the prince until Rhaegar lifts off his helm and his long hair flows out. Then everybody stands and shouts for their prince.

Prince Rhaegar rides past all of the stands, one set for nobles and another full of smallfolk. When he gets given the flower crown everyone looks between the prince and Lady Ashara and Ned can practically hear every lady in the stands praying that the prince might crown them – even though everyone knows who the prince shall crown – his wife, of course.

And he does. Prince Rhaegar rides up to Princess Ashara with the crown of love and beauty hanging on the end of his lance. The crown princess stands and takes the crown, a wide, genuine smile gracing her already pleasant features. The crowd erupts into cheers and shouts of joy and whsitles, everyone is clapping and laughing and smiling and it all feels so good that Ned can’t help but join in.

* * *

 

Ned is walking out of the tourney, in the middle of the large crowd, after the princess’ ‘crowning’. A hand slides into the crook of his elbow and Ned turns quickly, only to meet Cersei’s smirking face, one of her eyebrows raised. She looks quite amused, Ned sees. “Meet me at the godswood tonight, Lord Eddard, after I have dinner with my family and you with yours.”

“Lady Cersei,” he says back, keeping with the formality. Then he lets his voice drop, “We’ve got to stop this, we’ll both be betrothed soon and we should end this while we still can, before it gets too out of hand,” his words sound weak, even to his own ears.

Cersei smiles at that and whispers in his ear, “And yet you’ll still come, won’t you?”

And that says it all really, because they both know he will.

 


	3. winter chills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I realise that I've properly messed up the ages of the Stark kids when Lyarra died. At some points I've made it when Ned was 8/9 and others where Benjen was about a year old, which would make Ned about five, therefore Lyanna would be two. It's supposed to be the former - Brandon would be 10, Ned would have been 9, Lyanna 6 and Benjen 5. So yeah, sorry! I'll try edit it later!

The day before the end of the tourney, Ned's siblings urge him to 'come home' back to Winterfell with them for his nameday. Ned says he cannot because Lord Tywin wouldn't ever let him leave to go home for a reason so silly as that. But then he saw his father and Lord Tywin speaking in the former's tent - with Hoster Tully and Oberyn Martell, if Ned saw correctly - and they spoke for some time.

Honestly, he couldn't think of an odder group of companions, and he couldn't helped but wonder what they spoke of. Their Southron Ambitions?

After that, when Ned was walking around the grounds of Harrenhal with his younger siblings, Lord Tywin came looking for him. "I give you leave to visit your father's keep, Eddard, and you might as well stay for your nameday. Your father shall know how long it is appropriate, good day."

As soon as he was gone, Lyanna turned to Ned with a smile on her face. "You're coming home, Ned!"

* * *

The only thing about going North was that Cersei was going West. Perhaps he really was far too into this. "I'll give you your gift when you return to the Rock," Cersei says, quietly because their fathers and siblings were there, all ready to leave. "Write to me."

Jaime came over too, smiling at him. "We'll see you when you get back, Ned. I would write but...well, you know. Have a good nameday." They hugged quickly and then Ned went and shook Lord Tywin's hand. His foster father was speaking to his true father, and Hoster Tully - the man who will be Brandon's goodfather - again and something felt wrong but Ned wasn't sure what.

Once everyone had said their goodbyes - including Lady Catelyn, who was coming up North with them so she could know the place that will one day be her home, and her sister, Lady Lysa's fierce embrace - Ned's father's party set off from Harrenhal. As soon as they got past the Neck and into the North, Ned felt at home.

Where Lady Catelyn seemed to be wearing more cloaks everyday and appeared to be disliking the cold weather more and more, Ned loved it. The winds on top of the Rock were sharp but the North, well, it's winds were controlled by the old gods and everything just felt...free. Free in a way things couldn't ever be at the Rock, where everything was weighed down in gold and glamour.

Even riding seemed more free and real than it ever did south of the Neck. Ned could understand why Brandon and Lyanna loved riding so much now.

* * *

Winterfell itself was exactly as Ned remembered it. It stood high and long and the Stark banners - which hadn't seen in so very long - blew slightly in the breeze. The gates were there too, of course, but after Ned rode through them...it felt different.

He remembered when he was seven and his father had taken he and Brandon to see Lord Manderly for some reason, Ned was either too young to remember or too young to be told. They'd feasted for a week and Ned remembered he, Brandon and Wylis and Wendel Manderly played most of the time.

When they got back, after seeing the stone walls that Ned just saw now and going through the gates that Ned was going through now, it was different. His mother was there to greet him. (When he was little and had nightmares his mother would tuck him into bed and promise not to leave him.)

"Ned, are you alright?" Benjen asked, riding over to him. Apparently his Hightower friend had already went inside - he liked the biting cold just as much as Lady Catelyn. 

"Yes," he says, "later, might you show me mother's resting place?"

At that, Benjen looked surprised and then nervous. "Well, I would, Ned, I really would, we do have a grave stone for her in the godswood."

Ah, yes, that would be a good place to put his mother's body, she would want to be near the heart tree, Ned knew. And even if Ned believed that his mother should have a place in the crypts, a place in the godswood wasn't so bad, that was where many other important - and unimportant - Starks that weren't named lord or king got to rest.

"Can you show me it later, Benjen?" Ned asked, dismounting from his horse.

Benjen stayed on his, clutching the reigns of the mare. "Yes, but mother's body isn't there, it lies...elsewhere."

"What? Where is she?"

His little brother looked around to make sure no one was watching. "Um, well first promise me you shan't speak of it to anyone but me." At his hesitation, Benjen urged, "Promise me, Ned."

Ned had no idea what was going on here. Had little Benjen dug up their mother's body? That was what it looked like. "I promise."

"When mother died, well, I was only a couple of years old, but I heard that she had been sick for a while. Lyanna and I can't remember much of it but Brandon says that father always knew she'd die and he says that they used to love each other, but it began to fade over time or something. Either way, when mother died, father was ready to bury her here, or well, here as in in the godswood, you know.

"But Brandon wanted to respect her dying wishes. She wanted to go home, she said, to the mountains. Brandon told father this and father said no but even so Brandon wrote to grandmother Arya's brothers, Cregan and Wendel, and I think there's others, but it was those two that came from the mountains to get mother's body - the night before her funeral. Father was angry, as you'd expect, and he and Brandon rowed for ages.

"Father said that mother's body had to be returned but Brandon says that if that happened he would take himself, Lyanna, me and you, even when you weren't here, up to the mountains in mother's place, so father would have to find himself a new wife and heir."

Ned stared at his brother in shock. Then he remembered his mother asking him if he'd ever like to visit the mountains, her home, he must have been but five. Whenever she spoke of her old home, her voice went soft and sad. Reckless as Brandon was, he was right. _And I wasn't there_.

"You can't breath a word of it now though, father goes livid, and Brandon too, actually."

Ned can't help but wonder how, if his father and elder brother don't tell anyone of any of this, Benjen knows the whole story? "How do you know all of this, Benjen?"

His brother smiled sheepish, "I...well, I listen to things. To the servants and maids and cooks..."

"They speak these things of father and mother and Brandon in your presence?" That didn't seem right at all.

"No...I go...unnoticed. I'm smaller than them and I'm not loud either, so people don't notice me."

That sounded familiar. Ned too often went unnoticed - especially when Brandon was there. Even at the Rock, where he'd stood out for not being, well, Southern - and not blonde. "Alright, well, I'm not telling a soul. I can promise you that, Benjen."

"Good, now, I'm off to find Gunthor." His brother was walking away when he said, "You can call me Ben, if you want, you're my brother."

Ned didn't know what to say to that. This little boy who he hardly knew accepted him straight away - and told him quite a story - and what could get better than that?

(Once, some time ago, when Ned saw how much Cersei disliked, even hated, Tyrion, Ned wondered if he had it in him to hate Benjen. He felt like it was a betrayal to even think such things of a boy who was so sweet and kind and _good_.)

* * *

One morning, while Ned was breaking his fast with his family, and Catelyn, he dared to ask the question that he had been thinking of for days now. "Father..." His father had turned to look at him now, his siblings too. Just say it, he told himself. "I was wondering if I might go up to the mountains..?"

"Why'd you want to go up there?" His father asked, taking a long and deep drink his cup - Ned wasn't sure if there really was no wine in it.

"To see mother's grave, I want to say my proper goodbye -"

His father's face was unreadable. "Go to the godswood, Ned, you can say goodbye there."

"But I want to see where she rests," Ned argued, no doubt sounding like an annoyed child. 

"No. No, I won't have you visiting the mountains when the godswood is in the castle."

Ned was feeling defiant, however. (When it came to his mother, he often felt this way.) "I'd rather say goodbye to her resting place, where she lays, than to some polished rock in the godswood."

"Eddard," his father said, "I'm said no."

It was always 'Eddard' when his father was annoyed at him. Ned was named for his grandfather, Edwyle - though, usually, he was rarely called Eddard, save when Lord Tywin addressed him.

Ned saw that his siblings were looking too, and Catelyn was glancing nervously between himself and his father. Brandon seemed to urge him to keep fighting, for once to go against their father. "Why not? She is my mother."

"It's not my fault the bloody woman wished to lay on top of a cold hill!" His father seemed to regret his words as soon as he said them.

Benjen gasped, tears in his blue eyes (mother's eyes), and Lyanna squeezed his hand.

"Leave, all of you leave," his father said, "not you, Eddard."

Reluctantly, Brandon left with Catelyn, taking Lyanna and Benjen with them. When they left, the maids too, Ned was left alone with his father, who was standing now. Suddenly, Winterfell felt cold. He could have forgotten that fires ran through the old, stone walls.

"Why, Eddard?" Was all his father asked, sitting back down in his seat.

For a moment, Ned considered remaining silent or apologising, as he would have done when he were a boy - it was better not to further anger his father, after all. But it was his father's fault he spoke up - it was he who sent Ned away when he was only eight, who sent him to the West with Lord Tywin.

Ned had spent too long with Lannister to sit quietly at times like these. He was a Lannister in some ways, that was to be expected, when he had grown up as one. Their words were just as much his as Winter Is Coming (and this realisation surprised him, actually). _Hear Me Roar, indeed._ Ned stood

"Because I loved her more than you ever did, father; because I wasn't there when she was buried; because you didn't allow any of her children to be there; because you were willing to bury her in the godswood when you knew she'd rather be up where she was born. Because you never cared, father, that is why."

His father began walking to him, and Ned wondered if he would hit him. Instead, his father just nodded - were they tears in his eyes?

"Tywin has taught you well," his father said, placing a hand on Ned's cheek - it took all Ned had in him not to flinch away like away craven. "You are the man you'll need to be when the day comes."

Gods, there it was again, his father and his future plans. How many times had Ned heard 'when the day comes', from Lord Tywin too? He would love to know what was going on, of course, but his father was too subtle and secretive to tell his children what he was sitting them up for.

A part of Ned believed that his father had been setting them up for this thing - whatever it was - since before they were born. Ned always got the chills when he wondered what was so important that his father and Lord Tywin, Jon Arryn and Steffon Baratheon, Hoster Tully and even the Princess Loreza all planned to do something about it - together.

(Ned had heard whispers about the crown being involved in these plans, about the mad king and his son. Ned wasn't sure what was wrong with Prince Rhaegar, he seemed a fine man, nothing like his father anyway.)

" _What_ day?" Ned asked, frustrated.

"You'll know it, Ned, you will."

Even after Ned questioned him further, his father just smiled sadly and said he'd find out when _the day comes._ Ned walked out and went to his room, he'd heard all of of it ccbefore.

* * *

_Dear Ned,_

_I hope you are enjoying being back at home, I miss you terribly. As soon as you come back I'll give you your nameday gift. Jaime says hello, he's too 'busy' to write, apparently sword fighting just takes up so much time._

_Tyrion asked me to tell you to have a happy nameday. I'm sure father says the same - though I doubted he'd ever actually say it. Anyway, I can't wait for you to come back. And, happy nameday (though it might be that you get this letter before or after it)!_

_Cersei Lannister,_  
_Daughter of the Rock_

Ned smiles when he reads it, almost laughing at the part about Jaime - he was a good swordsman though, and might make something out of it.

* * *

Some nights later, Ned is lying in his bed, reading a book that was once his mother's and her mother's before her - 'The Tales of the Children' it was called. Obviously, it was about the Children of the Forest, whom Old Nan used to tell Ned and out his siblings stories about - she often made them too scary, that was her thing though, Brandon had said. 

Apparently, Ned's grandfather, Rodrick, had given his grandmother, Arya, the book as a pre-wedding gift and from there it had gone to Aunt Branda, who has given it to Ned's mother, Lyarra, for the latter's tenth nameday. His mother had given it to Brandon but he hadn't wanted it and so Ned way given it for his seventh nameday.

He liked to imagine his grandmother reading through the story like he was now. Ned's reading was interrupted by his sister, however.

"Ned," Lyanna calls softly from outside his door, "can I come in?"

"Yes," Ned says, sitting up in his bed. "Sit down." He gestures to the bed.

Lyanna was in her night clothes, her dark hair in a braid, and she had a candle in her hand, she set it on the table and then sat beside Ned. "That brave, what you did."

"Shouting? I'm sure anyone can do it," Ned says dryly - he was a Lannister, wasn't he?

"Yes, but shouting at father...that takes courage and to not back down, that determination. Sometimes Brandon just shouts and shouts but he has no proper reason for it. You care, Ned, that's why we love you."

Ned smiled, "Thanks, Lyanna."

Then she hugged him as only a little sister can hug her big brother.

"You wouldn't mind if I ask you a question, would you?" She asked, releasing him.

"Of course not."

She hesitated, but only for a second. "Did you really think father would let you go up to the mountains?"

"No," he admitted honestly. "But, you've got to fight for what you believe in, for what you care about."

"Is that one of mother's lines?" Lyanna asked curiously, leaning into him.

Ned nodded, "It is. She said that to Brandon and I when she found out we had been fighting over something, I think it was about how Brandon said I should go to the Eyrie and he could go to Casterly Rock. Mother said that 'while sometimes fighting was good, especially if you have a purpose, it isn't always the right thing to do' and then said that sometimes we do have to fight for what we care about and believe it."

Lyanna sniffed then, and leaned in closer to Ned. "I don't remember her."

"You were young, it's not your fault."

She was quiet for a while, whipping tears before they could fall and the like. All Ned can think is, _your lucky in some ways, you don't remember her, so you don't remember what you've lost._

"You're a good brother, Ned, I love you."

He pulled her closer and truly hugged her, like his mother did to him.

* * *

_Dear Cersei,_

_I cannot wait to come back to the Rock. Winterfell isn't...well, let's say it's different from what I remember it being like. Your letter arrived before my nameday but thank you anyway. I'm eagerly awaiting your gift. Do tell Jaime and Tyrion I said thank you, you too._

_I'll tell you about it all when I return._

_Eddard Stark,_  
_Son of Lord Rickard,_  
_Ward of Lord Tywin_

* * *

Ned was in the godswood, the next morning (the day before his nameday), praying to the gods to keep his mother safe, and his family who still live, when Brandon walked in with Catelyn on his arm. Ned resisted rolling his eyes.

"Ned, morning," Brandon says through a yawn, stretching his arms.

"Morning, Brandon, Catelyn."

Catelyn smiles then says, "Did we interrupt your prayer?"

Before Ned could answer, Brandon snorted. "Ned could sit in front of a heart tree all day and night and not even know it, we should be glad we stopped that from happening."

Ned actually rolled his eyes at that and stood up, brushing the dirt from his knees.

Catelyn nudged Brandon, who suddenly looks serious. "Ned, after Catelyn and I are wed, we're going to travel the North and all that, as a honeymoon thing. And then we'll go to the Riverlands and such, but anyway, the thing is, we were going to go see our granduncle, grandmother Arya's brothers and discuss family; the Flints, we'd love if you could join us."

Ned considers hugging them, maybe crying and every other emotional thing that would be appropriate with any other people having this conversation, but Ned knows that Brandon always gets uncomfortable with things like that. "Thank you, both of you," he adds, because he isn't sure that it was entirely Brandon's idea. "Watching the two of you spend your first trip together, probably kissig and that, with me in the background, that's not how you'd prefer it to go - that's not how I'd prefer to spend my time. But thank you, very much."

"Gods, Ned, we don't like you that much," Brandon japes, clapping him on the back, "You're only coming when we visit the Flints, we'd never be able to put up with you for longer than that. You're too much a Stark and too much a Lannister to be any fun."

"Thanks, Brandon. And you too, Catelyn."

His future goodsister just smiles humbly, while Brandon grins. "Well, we'll see you later, Ned. Oh, I think father wants to see you - to apologise." Ned blinks in surprise. Had his father ever admitted he was wrong or apologised for anything he did wrong? Not that Ned remembered. But then, he hadn't really been here, had he?

* * *

"Son, I'm sorry," his father says, Ned is standing in his solar when he says it. "I am, I...you're right. The love between your mother and I, well, it dwindled. But I did love her, more than you'll ever know, Ned. By the time Lyanna was born though...you could say our candle had burnt out long before then. I didn't want her body to go up to the mountains because then we'd truly be apart.

"It thought we could make up but hen she was gone and you too and Ned, Ned, I think you were always her favourite, deep down, or her special one. You know, when I said that Brandon would be going to the Eyrie to play his part, your mother, she was upset but she agreed to it, she said it was time he learnt the ways of lordship and that he should make friends with Robert Baratheon, because he'll be the Lord of the Stormlands one day, and Elbert Arryn, because he's Jon's heir, of course, we know how great their friendship turned out.

"But when I said you had to go as well, she shouted at me, Ned, she screamed and cried and said she hated me, she'd never love me. That's the only time it was obvious she had a favourite but Ned, gods son, she loved you so much."

Ned didn't know what to say, so he said naught at all. His father hugged him, crying. (Ned doesn't think he's ever seen his father cry.) Soon, Ned feels his tears coming but he doesn't cry. It might be his father's fault, that Ned can't cry with him or feel alright hugging him, maybe Ned was Tywin Lannister's son, odd as it might be to realise that.


	4. alliances advantages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took like four days to write lol

_(Four years later, the year is 280 AC. Ned is 20, Cersei is 17.)_

**\---**

Ned was visiting the Rock because Lord Tywin summonded him - which was odd because Ned hadn't been his ward for a few years now, and he was visiting his Aunt Branda in the Stormlands but it must have been important, else why would Lord Tywin ask for him? (He suspected it had something to do with the rumours that Jaime was going to join the Kingsguard.)

He rode hard for the castle, though the gods didn't seem to be on his side, for it rained as it so rarely did south of the Neck - but then, these gods weren't his. He did get to Casterly Rock though and even after all the years he spent at the Rock, it still astounds him that such a castle exists, as grand and as...well, Lannister like as it was.

It was Gerion Lannister who met him at the gates and warned him with a grin that Tywin was in a foul temper. When Ned had been here as a boy, it was only occasionally that he saw Cersei's youngest uncle for Gerion was always venturing far and wide and we hardly ever home. Ned also knew that Gerion and Lord Tywin didn't get on very well, which was understandable, they were completely different.

Gerion took him to Lord Tywin's solar, where he met the elder man walking around the room. Gerion winked at him as he walked away and Ned couldn't help but wonder how he and Lord Tywin shared any blood. "Eddard, sit down."

Ned did, wondering if Lord Tywin would take his anger out on him - in all his years at the Rock, he'd never faced his foster father's wrath. When Ned didn't speak, the other man did.

"Eddard, you're father must have told you the plans, yes?" Lord Tywin stopped his pacing.

Would he finally find out what his father had been planning all these years? He tried not to be too hopeful. "He never has, my lord, he spoke of having plans but not what plans he had..."

"I shall tell you now then," Lord Tywin says, the golden flickers in his eyes bright. "We, your father, many lords and I, have been doing what we can to ensure we are not used by the king, we need them to know he need us and so we have been planning to let him know this, but we have been face with a problem - the king is dying."

Ned didn't expect that. Really, it was all a lot to take in, all these years his father had been scheming against the king? Lord Tywin too? That means that Hoster Tully and Jon Arryn, Leyton Hightower and Princess Loreza must be in on it as well - even Steffon Baratheon. That's why they had all been marrying their children together, or making betrothals. Gods, no one wonder the king had gone mad.

(Perhaps it was true that King Aerys, and many other dragonkings, had used their lords but Ned couldn't help but think how awful it must be to have been king when your childhood friends were also scheming against you - everyone knew that Steffon Baratheon and Tywin Lannister were Aerys Targaryen's greatest friends.)

And the king was dying! Ned wondered if Prince Rhaegar was working with his future lords - very soon in the future, apparently.

"Tell me what you think, Eddard."

Ned looked up, wondering what the hell he could say to all that. Then, he had another thought. "Where do I come into this, my lord, I'm only a second son."

"Exactly. My son, my heir, has decided to become a sworn brother of the Kingsguard, as I'm sure you've heard. Cersei is now my heir, I shan't have the murderer of the last Lady of the Rock be my heir." Did Lord Tywin truly believe it was Tyrion's fault? Mayhaps he was as mad as the king, no, Ned tried not to think such things. "But where do you come in?

"My daughter needs a consort when she takes my place, someone who is of high birth but also isn't an heir. Do you understand, Eddard?"

He thinks he does. "I believe so, my lord."

"Do you wish to wed my daughter?" Lord Tywin was asking perhaps the most obvious question ever.

"It would be...an honour to wed Cersei, my lord," Ned says. In the back of his mind he wonders if this is all a jape, that Lord Tywin will start laughing at him - maybe not then, for never in his twelve years of knowing him has Ned ever seen so much as a grin on his foster father's face.

"Good, perhaps you should go tell her?" Lord Tywin stands up and walks to the door, opening it for Ned.

He murmurs a thank you and then heads to Cersei's room. Gods, gods, gods. Would he truly wed her? Of all the noble women in the land he would wed the one he had been in love with for years - even if he didn't truly know he loved her all that time. And he'd be Lord of Casterly Rock, but more importantly, he'd be wed to Cersei.

Soon, he is at her door. He stands there like a fool, arm raised to knock but he just can't...he just can't. The door opens anyway though and Ned doesn't have time to wonder how she knew he was there because Cersei jumps onto him, saying how she's been missing him.

"Are you alright, Ned?" She asks, seeing his still shocked expression.

"I just spoke to your father -"

"Lucky you." Cersei makes a sound that might have been a snort. "He's been in quite a bad mood these past few days, with Jaime deciding to give up his title as heir - he's already written to the prince, Ned, apparently Prince Rhaegar and Ser Arthur shall come to discuss it all with Jaime and father but I know Jaime's already decided he shall be a Kingsguard knight."

(If Ned wasn't so preoccupied with thinking about their new betrothal, he'd tell Cersei about their father's scheming and how Rhaegar shall be more than prince soon and how the he and Ser Arthur are likely coming here to discuss Mad Aerys. But he is preoccupied...)

"Cersei, we're to wed," he says bluntly.

She stares at him, then narrows her eyes. "Is this some jape, Ned?"

"No, I swear to your gods and mine it's not, when I was speaking to your father he said that with Jaime unable to be heir, and him not wanting Tyrion to be heir, you are. And you need a second son to wed and -"

Cersei kisses him then, "Gods, Ned, we shall wed!" He kisses her back and it all just feel right. They shall wed, how lucky are they, to wed the ones they love?

* * *

_Dear father,_

_I'm sure you already know this, for Lord Tywin has told me you and he, among others, have had plans in motion for some time, but I am betrothed to Lady Cersei Lannister. Jaime wishes to become a sworn night of the Kingsguard and so Cersei shall be heir - for Lord Tywin doesn't wish for his second son to be so - and she needs a second son to be her husband. But again, I'm sure you already know this._

_I believe Lord Tywin has sent you his own letter asking you to come to the Rock to discuss the arrangements of my betrothal in detail. A warning, Prince Rhaegar shall also be here, to discuss Jaime's position - though I'm sure there are other reasons._

_Hopefully I shall be visiting Winterfell soon, if not, I shall see you when you arrive at the Rock._

_Lord Eddard_

* * *

When Prince Rhaegar arrives with his escort, Ned can almost forget he is almost certainly helping to kill his own father because he truly does look like a king. The Princess Ashara - queen, soon, even though there is already another one, Queen Rhaella - comes to, looking as though she too were made for a crown.

Ned bows with everyone else when the prince shakes his father and Lord Tywin's hands. Jaime seems to _glow_ in the presence of the prince, which Ned finds amusing.

When the prince, his party, Lord Tywin and Ned's father go to Lord Tywin's solar, everyone begins to leave. Cersei puts her hand on Ned's arms and he flushes, despite himself, Cersei only laughs and says, "I do hope you don't go too pink, Ned, someone might think you've got the flu."

Ned smiles at that. "You aren't a good influence, Cersei," he japes.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh please, you wouldn't have survived without me."

"No, of course I wouldn't," Ned replies dryly.

"Do be quiet," Cersei smirks.

If this was what the rest of his life would entail, Ned didn't mind at all.

* * *

The Prince is staying at the Rock for longer than he expected, apparently. Though Ned can guess that Prince Rhaegar knew exactly how long he'd be here for, though Ned's father leaves only a week after he arrives, promising to write to Ned - he never does though, and says he's just too busy when Ned asks him about it.

Honestly though, Ned is used to it.

One person who does stay though, is Prince Rhaegar's friend, Lord Jon Connington - with his red hair, when Ned first saw him he wondered if Lady Catelyn had a secret brother. But no, where Catelyn and her siblings always had laughter in their eyes and were kind, even Lysa, who Catelyn said wasn't always cheery, but Jon Connington had none of those, just a loyalty to the prince.

Stannis Baratheon is there too and when he sees him Ned remembers that Lyanna shall have to marry Stannis' elder brother, Robert. Stannis wasn't Prince Rhaegar's squire anymore, as far as Ned knew, but was loyal to his cousin. Ned heard that the prince might even be trying to get Stannis a good betorthal, as he is so fond of him.

One day when all of the men were training in the yard - well not all, of course, the prince and Lord Tywin weren't training - though, Gerion was there, with Ned actually.

"I suppose with Jaime and Tyrion being younger than Cersei and all her other uncle's being _extremely_ old," Gerion says, and Ned noted that the smirk on his face could only belong to a Lannister, "I should give you a speech about how you ought to take care of her, but I think you'll do that anyway, Ned."

Ned smiles at that because it really is such a Gerion Lannister thing to say. Gerion was only eleven years older than Cersei, which isn't that much older, considering he is her uncle anyway - and he is but eight years Ned's elder and had become one of Ned's good friends, for all Gerion was away from the Westerlands often.

"I'll try my hardest, for you."

"Good, good," Gerion says, with a perfect smile. "What do you think of this Baratheon then?" He asks, nodding to where Stannis stands, speaking with Ser Arthur and Jaime, looking as... _stubborn_ as ever.

"I don't really know him. He'll be my sisters goodbrother soon though."

"Ah, yes, your sister...it's not Lyarra -"

"Lyanna, my mother...she was named Lyarra," he tries not to choke on the name.

Gerion nods, "Yes, she'll be wed to Robert, won't she? I forget that he is the heir and not that one, Stannis, with the amount of time the latter spends with the future king. He's been the Prince's squire and was the king's cupbearer for a time, I think. Never met his brother though, for your sister's sake, I hope he's not like Stannis."

"He's not," Ned says, smiling dropping. "The complete opposite but just as bad - I'd rather marry Stannis."

"Don't let Cersei hear you say that," Gerion says, laughing. Ned can't help but agree.

* * *

Ned is with Jaime and Addam, just days before Jaime shall go off to be knighted as a sworn brother. _He is my sworn brother, Addam too,_ Ned thinks and feels stupid for it, he isn't a five year old girl after all. But they were close, even with Ned and Cersei being close too, and Jaime being two year younger than Addam and three years younger than Ned. Now though, well, they were going their separate ways.

Addam would be going back to Ashemark, where he'd one day rule and with Jaime at King's Landing, it would be Ned who stays at the Rock? Ned of all of them?

"You'll visit, won't you, Jaime?" Ned asks, trying to sound casual, after Addam japes about how busy knights tend to be.

"Of course he'll have to, he can't stay away from his new brother for too long," Addam grinned, leaning back on the grass they sat on.

Jaime hit Addam's arm, fondly though, and smiled at Ned. " _Brother_ , that is odd, isn't it?"

"It is," Ned agreed, "though, you're meant to give up your family and the rest of it when you join the Kingsguard."

Jaime laughed, running a hand through his golden hair - it was exactly the same shade as Cersei's. "Yes, but who really does that these days? Oaths aren't taken seriously anymore, are they? It's a shame, really."

It _was_ a shame. Ned, for all he'd grown up (and will grow old) in the South, was a Northerner and he would always believe that people should keep to their oaths and vows but, apparently, in the South loyalty is out of fashion.

"'Cause you take them _so_ seriously, don't you?" Addam japed. Jaime didn't answer though, he stared out to the sea, which looked so beautiful - warm and blue, with were some boats sailing across it - once or twice, Ned, Jaime and Addam had jumped into it, from the cliffs and they had swam in it countless times.

Those days were behind them though, soon Ned wouldn't be experiencing it all but remembering it, and that, really, was quite sad.

Soon, too soon, Jaime would be a legendary knight, as he was always meant to be, really, Jaime was made to be a legend; Addam would be busy wih his own castle and land and he'll surely have his own family soon; and Ned will be wed and one day Lord of Casterly Rock (wasn't _that_ a thought?).

Their childhood had gone too soon, as childhoods were wont to do.

* * *

"Lancel is a no; Lymond is also a no; Leo, Lewys and Lucion are all no." Cersei had been going on like this for ten minutes now, searching for names for their future babes. She was sitting on his bed, or rather, lying on it and Ned was sitting back on one chair, his feet on the bed. "I need an L name, but they're all just...not right."

"Mayhaps you should began picking names once you have a babe?" Ned japed, eyes skimming past some book Genna had gotten him about Lannister history - as a joke more than anything else, Ned is sure.

Cersei rolls her emerald eyes at him. "Soon, Eddard, soon we shall have a child, perhaps more children? And you never know, our firstborn might be babes."

"Perhaps," Ned says, smiling at his almost-wife. Just a few moons now, he could wait them out. Then he flipped a page and saw a name that stuck out, "Loren?"

"What?" She asked, confused. Then realisation came onto her face. "Oh, yes, that is quite a nice name, isn't it?"

Ned nods, "I think so." After a pause, he says, "I cannot wait to wed you, Cersei."

"I, Eddard Stark, feel much the same."

Oh, with that smirk on her beautiful face, Ned could have kissed her. (And he did.)

* * *

Months later, Lord Tywin - his goodfather, _gods_ , he's Ned's goodfather - meets him at the end of the Sept, the one in the Rock that, for being inside a mountain, was as big and as grand as any other sept Ned had seen.

(This was the first of two wedding ceremonies, though Ned doubted the second one truly counted as a ceremony; it would just be he and Cersei kneeling before a Heart Tree, so the old gods could see their alliance.)

Ned holds out his hand to Cersei and then the Septon speaks of the Seven and their union and holiness.

Personally, Ned believes in none of it and so he looks at Cersei until the Septon says, "In the sight of gods and men, I do solemnly proclaim Eddard of the House Stark and Cersei of the House Lannister to be man and wife," Ned looks at Cersei, who looks happier than ever, "one flesh, one heart, one soul, now and forever. And cursed be the one who comes between them."

They kiss - as they have so many other times - but this time is means so much more.

* * *

(Years later, Ned will look back and wonder what his life might have been like if his father had sent him to the Eyrie and Brandon to the Rock. Whatever happened, he knew he'd not like it, because he wouldn't have his beautiful wife and four perfect children, and really, what more could you want?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this (albeit short) fic, but don't worry, if you were, there are more in this series to come! :)
> 
> Also, I wonder if anyone reading can help with this, when a man (like Ned) marries a woman (like Cersei) to become her consort, does he changes his name to her surname (Lannister, obviously)?


End file.
